What kind of start I'm not exactly sure, but it's a start!
I actually woke up and got ready efficiently enough to make it to morning Mass, which helps with the fasting in addition to being just plain the best way to start your day. But, on the way from Mass to work I caught myself complaining around half dozen times... and it's only a 15 minute drive!
I don't think fasting is necessarily any more difficult for me than for anyone else, but I am a food person. Food to have something to do with your hands, food if you're bummed, food to celebrate, food if you "have a taste for" something, food to have a full belly; lots of reasons to eat in my little world. So today, fasting, what do I think about every time I get up from my desk - you guessed it, food! I am thankful for having had the opportunity to begin my day with the Real Food and Real Drink of the Eucharist, by God's Grace, every time I think of food today I remember that I am fasting. And why am I fasting? Well, if you said "Because it's Ash Wednesday you might be missing the point. I happened to read a great post at Adam's Ale about purposefully practic[ing] acts of denial, charity, and penance. I highly recommend it.
As for the complaining, well, the Complaint Free World idea is to switch a bracelet from wrist to wrist when you complain. I ordered one (and now think I didn't need to, alas and alack) but don't have it yet, so I decided to use a rosary ring given to me by a friend. The ring fits on my forefinger and not only do I move it from left to right (and back again) when I complain, but becuase it's a rosary I was inspired - deep breath, drumroll, can you imagine - to PRAY when I caught myself complaining. Now why didn't I think of that sooner?
So, here am I at my desk on Ash Wednesday - wearing my ashy smudge on my forehead in spite of the Gospel exhortation to " anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden." - fasting, praying, and working on the practice of not complaining.
Just for the record, how do we reconcile the "wash your face" exhortation with the fact that we walk around ashy all day? My intent is not to have people see my ashy smudge, I was blessed to be able to start my day with Mass, nevertheless, it's there and so I do "appear to others to be fasting"...
Showing posts with label Lent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lent. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Complaint Free Lent
A few years ago I read about a church that started a program of not complaining. So, when I felt called to a complaining fast this Lent, I went to A Complaint Free World on the world wide web. People trying to live complaint free wear a purple bracelet (how fitting for Lent, eh?) and every time they complain, switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The general idea is to make it 21 days without complaining, and thereby creating a complaint free habit. The Lenten idea, for me anyways, is to teach myself to control with whom I share which information. Does everyone in the office need to know that I'm in a fibro flare up and am having a hard time walking? Probably not. Do they see me walking weird, of course, but I don't need to complain about it. Over the weekend I was having an exceptionally difficult time walking, and especially on stairs. I kept reminding myself to "trouble he who troubles me" and didn't avoid activities that required going up and down the stairs. Complaining about my physical issues has been my way of seeking human consolation rather than divine consolation, and it's difficult to offer up a pain that you're busy whining about, so I'm looking forward to focusing more on my relationship with God than with just anyone who will listen.
What I think I will find difficult is not complaining about everything else. Last week something frustrating occurred in the course of a claim, and I said to a co-worker, "Can we ban stupid people?" I have learned that I have a very low tolerance for mistakes in others (we won't get in to the mistakes I make - planks and splinters for sure). Never-the-less, I figure if I put detailed intructions in writing, and provide my e-mail and phone number in case anything is unclear or there are any questions, then by yiminy if I don't hear from you with questions I expect what I requested in detailed instructions! Right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, earlier that day I had mentioned to the same co-worker my complaining fast, so when I asked my him if we can ban stupid people his first response was, "Is that complaining?" Earlier he had seemed pretty tickled by the fact that he gets to hold me accountable to the complaining fast if he catches me complaing, so he said he was clarifying whether this comment fell into the parameters.
So! Fat Tuesday tomorrow - and no I will not be a compaint glutton tomorrow as a last "hurrah" - and then, Lent. This will be a good Lent for a complaining fast as it is booked pretty solid, and fatigue makes me more whiney. I'm actually a little nervous, and wonder if I'm over-extended, but committments have been made, so we'll see what happens. So far today, I don't think I've complained about anything, although, I have been alone in my office pretty much all morning...
A Lenten Motto: Phillipians 2:14,15
Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world... (NAB)
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe... (NIV)
What I think I will find difficult is not complaining about everything else. Last week something frustrating occurred in the course of a claim, and I said to a co-worker, "Can we ban stupid people?" I have learned that I have a very low tolerance for mistakes in others (we won't get in to the mistakes I make - planks and splinters for sure). Never-the-less, I figure if I put detailed intructions in writing, and provide my e-mail and phone number in case anything is unclear or there are any questions, then by yiminy if I don't hear from you with questions I expect what I requested in detailed instructions! Right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, earlier that day I had mentioned to the same co-worker my complaining fast, so when I asked my him if we can ban stupid people his first response was, "Is that complaining?" Earlier he had seemed pretty tickled by the fact that he gets to hold me accountable to the complaining fast if he catches me complaing, so he said he was clarifying whether this comment fell into the parameters.
So! Fat Tuesday tomorrow - and no I will not be a compaint glutton tomorrow as a last "hurrah" - and then, Lent. This will be a good Lent for a complaining fast as it is booked pretty solid, and fatigue makes me more whiney. I'm actually a little nervous, and wonder if I'm over-extended, but committments have been made, so we'll see what happens. So far today, I don't think I've complained about anything, although, I have been alone in my office pretty much all morning...
A Lenten Motto: Phillipians 2:14,15
Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world... (NAB)
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe... (NIV)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Joy in Pain Part 3
In a comment to my first post on Joy in Pain, Joseph shared a teaching of St. Seraphim, that to those who "asked him why he carried a bag of heavy stones on his back, when he was obviously in enough pain and agony with his health, [he would say] "O my dear brother/sister, I am merely troubling he who troubles me!" Around the same time I read an article in Pray! magazine that pointed out that in Psalm 62 we are encouraged to "pour out [our] hearts to him, for God is [our] refuge." These two statements tell me that I can do at least two things with my pain. I can either embrace and welcome it, "thumbing my nose" if you will at the one who brought pain into the world. Or, if I've got complaining or whining in my heart, I need to pour that out to God so that once it is out, He can pour in to my heart something so much better - Joy.
I find it not at all coincidental that these two teachings should be presented to me as I prepare to celebrate the season of Lent. The season of Lent is a Joyful season, (many of the Eucharistic prayers for Lent remind us of this joy) so it's no surprise to me that that God is calling me to refocus on the joy in my pain. In fact, as I said in my reply to Joseph's comment, I had initially only planned on a 2 part Joy in Pain 'series' because I was feeling a little stuck in the whining side of my pain. But thanks to these two halves of a newly forming whole, I get to move on, not just to "part 3" in a blog, but to a closer walk with the Source of Joy.
I can't write in any great depth on either of these statements today, but that's not the point in sharing them. The point is that they are there. The point is that I have the next clue on the treasure map. The point is that, recognizing I was stuck, I have now been given the leverage to get un-stuck. What an exciting, joy filled Lent I have ahead of me! And, by Easter, or Pascha as it is called in the East, I should have a lot more to say about "troubling he who troubles me" and "pour[ing]ing out [my] heart to... God".
I find it not at all coincidental that these two teachings should be presented to me as I prepare to celebrate the season of Lent. The season of Lent is a Joyful season, (many of the Eucharistic prayers for Lent remind us of this joy) so it's no surprise to me that that God is calling me to refocus on the joy in my pain. In fact, as I said in my reply to Joseph's comment, I had initially only planned on a 2 part Joy in Pain 'series' because I was feeling a little stuck in the whining side of my pain. But thanks to these two halves of a newly forming whole, I get to move on, not just to "part 3" in a blog, but to a closer walk with the Source of Joy.
I can't write in any great depth on either of these statements today, but that's not the point in sharing them. The point is that they are there. The point is that I have the next clue on the treasure map. The point is that, recognizing I was stuck, I have now been given the leverage to get un-stuck. What an exciting, joy filled Lent I have ahead of me! And, by Easter, or Pascha as it is called in the East, I should have a lot more to say about "troubling he who troubles me" and "pour[ing]ing out [my] heart to... God".
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