What kind of start I'm not exactly sure, but it's a start!
I actually woke up and got ready efficiently enough to make it to morning Mass, which helps with the fasting in addition to being just plain the best way to start your day. But, on the way from Mass to work I caught myself complaining around half dozen times... and it's only a 15 minute drive!
I don't think fasting is necessarily any more difficult for me than for anyone else, but I am a food person. Food to have something to do with your hands, food if you're bummed, food to celebrate, food if you "have a taste for" something, food to have a full belly; lots of reasons to eat in my little world. So today, fasting, what do I think about every time I get up from my desk - you guessed it, food! I am thankful for having had the opportunity to begin my day with the Real Food and Real Drink of the Eucharist, by God's Grace, every time I think of food today I remember that I am fasting. And why am I fasting? Well, if you said "Because it's Ash Wednesday you might be missing the point. I happened to read a great post at Adam's Ale about purposefully practic[ing] acts of denial, charity, and penance. I highly recommend it.
As for the complaining, well, the Complaint Free World idea is to switch a bracelet from wrist to wrist when you complain. I ordered one (and now think I didn't need to, alas and alack) but don't have it yet, so I decided to use a rosary ring given to me by a friend. The ring fits on my forefinger and not only do I move it from left to right (and back again) when I complain, but becuase it's a rosary I was inspired - deep breath, drumroll, can you imagine - to PRAY when I caught myself complaining. Now why didn't I think of that sooner?
So, here am I at my desk on Ash Wednesday - wearing my ashy smudge on my forehead in spite of the Gospel exhortation to " anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden." - fasting, praying, and working on the practice of not complaining.
Just for the record, how do we reconcile the "wash your face" exhortation with the fact that we walk around ashy all day? My intent is not to have people see my ashy smudge, I was blessed to be able to start my day with Mass, nevertheless, it's there and so I do "appear to others to be fasting"...
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Complaint Free Lent
A few years ago I read about a church that started a program of not complaining. So, when I felt called to a complaining fast this Lent, I went to A Complaint Free World on the world wide web. People trying to live complaint free wear a purple bracelet (how fitting for Lent, eh?) and every time they complain, switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The general idea is to make it 21 days without complaining, and thereby creating a complaint free habit. The Lenten idea, for me anyways, is to teach myself to control with whom I share which information. Does everyone in the office need to know that I'm in a fibro flare up and am having a hard time walking? Probably not. Do they see me walking weird, of course, but I don't need to complain about it. Over the weekend I was having an exceptionally difficult time walking, and especially on stairs. I kept reminding myself to "trouble he who troubles me" and didn't avoid activities that required going up and down the stairs. Complaining about my physical issues has been my way of seeking human consolation rather than divine consolation, and it's difficult to offer up a pain that you're busy whining about, so I'm looking forward to focusing more on my relationship with God than with just anyone who will listen.
What I think I will find difficult is not complaining about everything else. Last week something frustrating occurred in the course of a claim, and I said to a co-worker, "Can we ban stupid people?" I have learned that I have a very low tolerance for mistakes in others (we won't get in to the mistakes I make - planks and splinters for sure). Never-the-less, I figure if I put detailed intructions in writing, and provide my e-mail and phone number in case anything is unclear or there are any questions, then by yiminy if I don't hear from you with questions I expect what I requested in detailed instructions! Right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, earlier that day I had mentioned to the same co-worker my complaining fast, so when I asked my him if we can ban stupid people his first response was, "Is that complaining?" Earlier he had seemed pretty tickled by the fact that he gets to hold me accountable to the complaining fast if he catches me complaing, so he said he was clarifying whether this comment fell into the parameters.
So! Fat Tuesday tomorrow - and no I will not be a compaint glutton tomorrow as a last "hurrah" - and then, Lent. This will be a good Lent for a complaining fast as it is booked pretty solid, and fatigue makes me more whiney. I'm actually a little nervous, and wonder if I'm over-extended, but committments have been made, so we'll see what happens. So far today, I don't think I've complained about anything, although, I have been alone in my office pretty much all morning...
A Lenten Motto: Phillipians 2:14,15
Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world... (NAB)
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe... (NIV)
What I think I will find difficult is not complaining about everything else. Last week something frustrating occurred in the course of a claim, and I said to a co-worker, "Can we ban stupid people?" I have learned that I have a very low tolerance for mistakes in others (we won't get in to the mistakes I make - planks and splinters for sure). Never-the-less, I figure if I put detailed intructions in writing, and provide my e-mail and phone number in case anything is unclear or there are any questions, then by yiminy if I don't hear from you with questions I expect what I requested in detailed instructions! Right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, earlier that day I had mentioned to the same co-worker my complaining fast, so when I asked my him if we can ban stupid people his first response was, "Is that complaining?" Earlier he had seemed pretty tickled by the fact that he gets to hold me accountable to the complaining fast if he catches me complaing, so he said he was clarifying whether this comment fell into the parameters.
So! Fat Tuesday tomorrow - and no I will not be a compaint glutton tomorrow as a last "hurrah" - and then, Lent. This will be a good Lent for a complaining fast as it is booked pretty solid, and fatigue makes me more whiney. I'm actually a little nervous, and wonder if I'm over-extended, but committments have been made, so we'll see what happens. So far today, I don't think I've complained about anything, although, I have been alone in my office pretty much all morning...
A Lenten Motto: Phillipians 2:14,15
Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world... (NAB)
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe... (NIV)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Joy in Pain Part 2
I mentioned in my previous blog that I have fibromyalgia, and included a link to the Web MD overview. But that doesn't really paint the picture, so before I go any further, I want to give you a better idea of how I frame the fibromyalgia picture.
First, I'd like you to imagine that you spent yesterday with the craziest trainer in the world. Though you've never worked out a day in your life, your trainer had you weight training like a WWE wrestler all morning, doing cardio like an Olympian all afternoon, and then put you back on weights in the evening. You then spent all night working on a project, the success or failure of which would mean either getting a promotion or losing your job. You then took a two hour nap somewhere around 4 am before getting up to get ready for work. Now, in addition to the mental and physical fatigue and the body soreness and stiffness, imagine there's a tribe of microscopic, invisible gremlins running around inside your body with sledgehammers and ice-picks, and they may strike anytime, anywhere. Have the mental picture? Good - that's your introduction to fibromyalgia.
Don't get me wrong, most days those gremlins don't do enough to hold down a job in the real world, and the fatigue and soreness is more of an irritant than anything else. But on days like today, when the 'symptoms' raise from a 1 -2 to a 5-6 on that pain scale, they become a very irritating interruption. Something that should take one minute takes five, something that should take five minutes may take fifteen. I can still do everything I need to do, it's just more difficult. And quite frankly, today I'm not going to get in to the 8 -9 level days. If you want to imagine it, take the above description and imagine it's a 75 year old doing all that.
So, now that I've provided an overview of fibromyalgia, you may be thinking based on my comments about Assisi that I am the most joyful person in the world. I wish I could say it were so, but I am sorry to say that what happened in Assisi doesn't happen every day. It "happened" in Assisi; it was a gift by the grace of God so I know it's possible, I know it exists - I know it's a choice. But, it's a choice I don't always make. Many days I am a complaining, whining, pity-partying fool. When a gremlin does strike, I am just as likely to stop in my tracks and wait for the pain to stop before continuing my work as I am to keep working, even though I know the pain is just a nerve misfiring, and nothing is actually wrong. Sometimes, if someone calls me at the wrong time, or makes the mistake of asking "how are you?" as they walk by, (the fact that most people ask that in passing without waiting for an answer is a topic for another blog!) they might even get an earful. But even though I whine and complain to others maybe 10% of the time, the rest of my whining and complaining is all internal, "self talk" as some call it, and rarely, when I think about it, directed to God. I sit in my chair or lay in bed and feel sorry for myself and ask myself why it's so hard "to offer it up" and why can't I be as easily joyful as I was in Assisi... I get caught up in thinking about how irritating, or annoying, or distracting, or hurtful, or frustrating the pain is... I get wrapped up in the negative, and because I don't want to "burden" anyone, or be the person who only calls a friend when she's miserable, I dwell there as though it were my home.
This is not the way I want to live my life. I think it was Matthew Kelly who I once heard ask, "Are you going to let your mortal body control your immortal soul?" I want to live in Assisi, not in Whine World. I want to be full of Joy, not full of frustration and complaining...
Thankfully, although the end of this particular post, this isn't the end of the story.
First, I'd like you to imagine that you spent yesterday with the craziest trainer in the world. Though you've never worked out a day in your life, your trainer had you weight training like a WWE wrestler all morning, doing cardio like an Olympian all afternoon, and then put you back on weights in the evening. You then spent all night working on a project, the success or failure of which would mean either getting a promotion or losing your job. You then took a two hour nap somewhere around 4 am before getting up to get ready for work. Now, in addition to the mental and physical fatigue and the body soreness and stiffness, imagine there's a tribe of microscopic, invisible gremlins running around inside your body with sledgehammers and ice-picks, and they may strike anytime, anywhere. Have the mental picture? Good - that's your introduction to fibromyalgia.
Don't get me wrong, most days those gremlins don't do enough to hold down a job in the real world, and the fatigue and soreness is more of an irritant than anything else. But on days like today, when the 'symptoms' raise from a 1 -2 to a 5-6 on that pain scale, they become a very irritating interruption. Something that should take one minute takes five, something that should take five minutes may take fifteen. I can still do everything I need to do, it's just more difficult. And quite frankly, today I'm not going to get in to the 8 -9 level days. If you want to imagine it, take the above description and imagine it's a 75 year old doing all that.
So, now that I've provided an overview of fibromyalgia, you may be thinking based on my comments about Assisi that I am the most joyful person in the world. I wish I could say it were so, but I am sorry to say that what happened in Assisi doesn't happen every day. It "happened" in Assisi; it was a gift by the grace of God so I know it's possible, I know it exists - I know it's a choice. But, it's a choice I don't always make. Many days I am a complaining, whining, pity-partying fool. When a gremlin does strike, I am just as likely to stop in my tracks and wait for the pain to stop before continuing my work as I am to keep working, even though I know the pain is just a nerve misfiring, and nothing is actually wrong. Sometimes, if someone calls me at the wrong time, or makes the mistake of asking "how are you?" as they walk by, (the fact that most people ask that in passing without waiting for an answer is a topic for another blog!) they might even get an earful. But even though I whine and complain to others maybe 10% of the time, the rest of my whining and complaining is all internal, "self talk" as some call it, and rarely, when I think about it, directed to God. I sit in my chair or lay in bed and feel sorry for myself and ask myself why it's so hard "to offer it up" and why can't I be as easily joyful as I was in Assisi... I get caught up in thinking about how irritating, or annoying, or distracting, or hurtful, or frustrating the pain is... I get wrapped up in the negative, and because I don't want to "burden" anyone, or be the person who only calls a friend when she's miserable, I dwell there as though it were my home.
This is not the way I want to live my life. I think it was Matthew Kelly who I once heard ask, "Are you going to let your mortal body control your immortal soul?" I want to live in Assisi, not in Whine World. I want to be full of Joy, not full of frustration and complaining...
Thankfully, although the end of this particular post, this isn't the end of the story.
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