Be Still

I've been realizing something recently.

Next month I will celebrate my 3rd anniversary with my company, and it will have been 4 years since I moved in to my apartment. This will be the longest consecutive employment I've had with one company, and matching the longest I ever lived in one home (same house all 4 years of high school). I've been feeling odd and out of sorts recently, and I begin to think it is because my life is still.

Now, please do not think that my life is stagnant, it is certainly not that (and I can't wait to tell you about the Miles Christi Spiritual Exercises retreat I made last weekend), but it is still. I am learning to be a steward of what I have where I am rather than to think about what I want or where I will be. I lived in 5 states by age 12, and attended 12 schools by grade 9. I moved around a lot when I was young, and even though I've now been in Illinois for over half my life, that rootless foundation still has it's effect. Even though I don't want anything to change, it feels like it ought to be changing. And that's not to mention that even though I lived in the same house and went to the same high school for four years, I spent all of that time waiting for college, and then I spent all of college thinking about being married, and my first few years after college still thinking about being married - Now, I am living my life.

I think our society is one which avoids stillness (I'm thinking for example of the recent Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio movie) and I am no different. I used to wake up to the radio, turn the TV on for background noise, and fall asleep to the radio. I used to spend hours daydreaming about being an actress, an officer in the Marines or the wife of a Marine, the wife of an international diplomat... all very exciting, all very glamorous (OK, maybe the Marines aren't glamorous to you - but when I was little and people asked what I wanted to do when I grew up I always said I wanted to Marry a Marine!) and all pretty "non-stop" in their attributes.

So here I am. On my 30th birthday this summer I will still be in the same apartment, I will still work for the same company, still be single, and still (probably) not have heard God say "Go!" God has been saying "Wait" a lot recently; "Wait and be still". "Stay, and learn", "Sit, and listen". Have you ever looked up the word "still" in the dictionary? According to www.dictionary.com "still" has almost two dozen definitions, including "remaining at peace or at rest", "free from sound or noise", "free from turbulence or commotion", "steadily, constantly, always", "in addition", "to silence or hush", "to calm", "to quiet"....

Job 33:31 says "Pay attention, Job, and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. "

I guess my whole life is God's way of getting me to pay attention. Well the Lord has my attention, and I almost said "now what?" - but the "now what" is to keep my attention on Him. Always.

A Complaint Free Lent

A few years ago I read about a church that started a program of not complaining. So, when I felt called to a complaining fast this Lent, I went to A Complaint Free World on the world wide web. People trying to live complaint free wear a purple bracelet (how fitting for Lent, eh?) and every time they complain, switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The general idea is to make it 21 days without complaining, and thereby creating a complaint free habit. The Lenten idea, for me anyways, is to teach myself to control with whom I share which information. Does everyone in the office need to know that I'm in a fibro flare up and am having a hard time walking? Probably not. Do they see me walking weird, of course, but I don't need to complain about it. Over the weekend I was having an exceptionally difficult time walking, and especially on stairs. I kept reminding myself to "trouble he who troubles me" and didn't avoid activities that required going up and down the stairs. Complaining about my physical issues has been my way of seeking human consolation rather than divine consolation, and it's difficult to offer up a pain that you're busy whining about, so I'm looking forward to focusing more on my relationship with God than with just anyone who will listen.

What I think I will find difficult is not complaining about everything else. Last week something frustrating occurred in the course of a claim, and I said to a co-worker, "Can we ban stupid people?" I have learned that I have a very low tolerance for mistakes in others (we won't get in to the mistakes I make - planks and splinters for sure). Never-the-less, I figure if I put detailed intructions in writing, and provide my e-mail and phone number in case anything is unclear or there are any questions, then by yiminy if I don't hear from you with questions I expect what I requested in detailed instructions! Right? Yeah, not so much. In fact, earlier that day I had mentioned to the same co-worker my complaining fast, so when I asked my him if we can ban stupid people his first response was, "Is that complaining?" Earlier he had seemed pretty tickled by the fact that he gets to hold me accountable to the complaining fast if he catches me complaing, so he said he was clarifying whether this comment fell into the parameters.

So! Fat Tuesday tomorrow - and no I will not be a compaint glutton tomorrow as a last "hurrah" - and then, Lent. This will be a good Lent for a complaining fast as it is booked pretty solid, and fatigue makes me more whiney. I'm actually a little nervous, and wonder if I'm over-extended, but committments have been made, so we'll see what happens. So far today, I don't think I've complained about anything, although, I have been alone in my office pretty much all morning...

A Lenten Motto: Phillipians 2:14,15

Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world... (NAB)

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe... (NIV)

My First Blog!

Well, this is my first blog ever so it will probably be short and test-like, but I'm excited. Now I can talk about pretty much whatever I want whenever want... within reason of course. after all, have to take into account this Sunday's second reading...

Reading II1 Cor 10:31-11:1
Brothers and sisters, Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do,do everything for the glory of God. Avoid giving offense, whether to the Jews or Greeks or the church of God,just as I try to please everyone in every way,not seeking my own benefit but that of the many,that they may be saved. Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

Emphasis mine. Well, let's see how it looks...

Hey cool, I can edit. Thanks for the support, but it occurred to me after logging off, that I am bound to give offense. When I first read this passage I thought of things that offend me; profanity, disresepct, crudity, etc... but then I realized that what I beleive, that abortion is murder for example, offends many people in my society.

So, how does one interpret Paul's instructions to the Corinthians in American society? Talk about "points to ponder"...